1. In your dream photoshoot you are accompanied by:
A. Beautiful blond offspring and a trendy suitor.
B. The wind.
C. A bride.
D. Anti-communist heroes of WWII, and you’re not in the photoshoot.
2. The most shameful thing you’ve done recently is:
A. Sneak a Luna Bar into Tilly’s brunch because you’re vegan now.
B. You live without shame in a cottage by the beach.
C. You wear fur regularly and you love it. It’s just glamour!
D. Illegally wiretapping Martin Luther King, Jr.
3. Your ideal female customer…
A. Works as a creative director, marketing consultant, or famous lifestyle blogger.
B. Goes wherever her heart takes her.
C. Is an heiress of any age.
D. Women? Not in the FBI, that’s for damn sure!
4. What’s your go-to drink?
A. A cosmopolitan, what else?
B. Cocoa that has been re-warmed by the sun.
C. The most expensive wine at this restaurant.
D. Alcohol is the urine of satan and you’re a degenerate!
5. Pick five things on your vision board:
A. Gold statement jewelry, a vacation picture from Napa, a Whitman quote, and a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal. A corgi is resting its head on the vision board.
B. A page from The Secret, a scarf you’re knitting, rocks with things written on them, a fall leaf, a motivational poster from the internet.
C. A diamond necklace, hate-mail from a Real Housewife, another diamond necklace, an invitation to a party you didn’t attend, a picture of a celeb styled to look like Sophia Loren.
D. The FBI most-wanted list, a cigarette dropped by FDR, a key to a Soviet code, tweed swatches, the head of John Dillinger.
6. Pick the opening of your self-published novel:
A. Emily was nervous. She knew — as certain as she knew her own name — that she had always wanted to be in publishing. But she never had imagined it would lead her to CLOTHESRACK, the most prestigious style magazine in all of Manhattan.
B. Marcy dropped her bags on the floor of the cottage, and let out a deep sigh. “Well boys,” she said to her two St. Bernards “I guess this is home now.” The dogs didn’t respond, but Marcy needed to hear those words too.
C. Jacqueline was staring at a marquise-cut diamond, her fiancé Edmond beside her, when she realized, deep down, she had been doing everything wrong her whole life. Goodbye princess-cut… forever! “Bisous” whispered Edmond sweetly into her ear.
D. Dillinger! The scoundrel wasn’t going to get away again. We had tracked him down to a gin joint in south Chicago when Seymour turned to me. “Well, old pal, I think we’re down to the end of the line.”
Results
Mostly A’s: You’re J. Crew! Thirty-something and surrounded by posh children, you love to sail, shop, and chase your dream – but most of all you just love to laugh!
Mostly B’s: You’re J. Jill! You enjoy the simple things in life: seashells, cozy separates, the embrace of family, a lone sequin on the floor of a dusty cabin. These are the things that make you you!
Mostly C’s: You’re J. Mendel! You’ve ordered a frisée within the past week, and you go to a dry bar where you use “Honestly!” as an exclamation of displeasure. You’re classy and elegant, yet never afraid to make a statement!
Mostly D’s: You’re J. Edgar Hoover! You were the first director of the FBI, building the federal government’s law-enforcement power while subtly infringing on civil liberties through wire-tapping and espionage on both sides of the political spectrum!