McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Articles by
Colin Heasley
Colin Heasley is originally from Cortland, New York. His humor writing has appeared in Reductress, Electric Literature, The Offing, and The New Yorker, and he currently lives in Los Angeles with his partner.
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August 30, 2024Buy an iPad for College. Get $180,000 in Student Loan Debt
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March 11, 2024My Year of Election Fatigue and Relaxation
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December 14, 2023Yep, This Supporting Character Is Definitely About to Die
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October 30, 2023The Problem Is the Human Finger
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October 16, 2023So, You Assume I Do Not Know of the Wide-Leg Jean?
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February 17, 2022The Lunch Lady from the High School in Euphoria Announces This Week’s Menu
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August 12, 2019PR Emails From Hell
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July 9, 2019Public Disgrace Generator
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April 24, 2019Popular Thirst Traps Throughout History
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December 7, 2018Famous Authors’ ASMR Props
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May 10, 2016Increasingly Convoluted Think Piece Titles About Apologizing
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October 29, 2015Are You J. Crew, J. Jill, J. Mendel, or J. Edgar Hoover?
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
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January 8, 2025Did You Even Consider Every Possible Lived Experience Before Recklessly Posting Your Chili Recipe on Social Media?
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January 9, 2025I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
Recently
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January 20, 2025Welcome Home, President Nyarlathotep
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January 17, 2025Who Said It: Donald Trump or Martin Luther King Jr.?
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January 17, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Annie Leibovitz
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January 17, 2025It’s About Time Our Government Finally Reflects the Real America—An Airport Terminal at 10 a.m. on a Weekday