The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Colin Heasley
Colin Heasley is originally from Cortland, New York. His humor writing has appeared in Reductress, Electric Literature, The Offing, and The New Yorker, and he currently lives in Los Angeles with his partner.
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August 30, 2024Buy an iPad for College. Get $180,000 in Student Loan Debt
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March 11, 2024My Year of Election Fatigue and Relaxation
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December 14, 2023Yep, This Supporting Character Is Definitely About to Die
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October 30, 2023The Problem Is the Human Finger
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October 16, 2023So, You Assume I Do Not Know of the Wide-Leg Jean?
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February 17, 2022The Lunch Lady from the High School in Euphoria Announces This Week’s Menu
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August 12, 2019PR Emails From Hell
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July 9, 2019Public Disgrace Generator
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April 24, 2019Popular Thirst Traps Throughout History
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December 7, 2018Famous Authors’ ASMR Props
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May 10, 2016Increasingly Convoluted Think Piece Titles About Apologizing
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October 29, 2015Are You J. Crew, J. Jill, J. Mendel, or J. Edgar Hoover?
Trending 🔥
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
Recently
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally