Hello, it’s me, your vision board god from when you were 19. You probably thought I wasn’t listening back then but here are all the amazing things you’re about to get before your 30th birthday, just like you wanted.

Dream Job

Congratulations on finally becoming a lawyer! Well, I assumed this is what you wanted based on that picture of Reese Witherspoon in a courtroom. In 30 days you’re going to go from working at some magazine you thought was pretentious and vapid to the top law firm in the country. Hooray for eighteen-hour workdays and rigid schedules!

Ideal Partner

I know how hard your first break up was and I couldn’t forget all those pictures you placed of your ex on the board. Even though it took almost 10 years, I’m happy to say that you and Mike are finally going to get married. Mike is now a Soundcloud rapper and two years ago he was trending (for some racist comments he made). He’ll make sick beats for you when you come home from your long days at the firm. Also, he goes by “Mikey B” now.

Children

You once said, “Giving birth seems magical and I want to bring life into our precious world.” 10 months from now you will get to do it three times in a row! Being a young mom is going to be amazing and those triplets will do wonders for career and marriage. Yes, you didn’t explicitly put this on your board but I improvised based on a conversation you had with Mike — sorry Mikey B. Originally, you had puppies on your board but I couldn’t manifest them for you because your soon-to-be hubby is allergic.

Small Cottage In the Catskills

This was a tough one! I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to pull it off but luckily some woman died here three months ago (she was killed but specifics don’t matter). Time to leave your Brooklyn apartment and relocate to this cottage in the middle of nowhere. Yes, you’ll have to commute 2.5 hours to and from work every day while Mikey B makes sick beats in the kitchen, but when you come home you will get to change, feed, and care for your triplets and it will all be worth it. Don’t worry, your real friends will make that trip out to the Catskills and maybe you can continue your trivia Tuesday tradition.

I hope you enjoy all your upcoming treasures. It’s all about to happen — can you believe it?!