We’re so glad that we were able to catch you the instant you listed your house on Zillow. My wife and I knew it would pay off to stalk the website like this for 24 hours straight. We’re ready to move in now and would like to purchase it sight unseen, please.
Oh my god, the kitchen is perfect. It’s probably the best feature of the house. We actually prefer the simplicity of not having countertops, cabinets, or a stove. We love to grill outside anyway.
One thing we couldn’t believe was that the bedroom floors consisted entirely of mulch, sawdust, and ash. Since my wife spent the entirety of her childhood in her grandfather’s barn, I’m sure it will have the same nostalgic scent she’s grown to love.
We absolutely love how the living room has an open concept. The lack of a ceiling is super original, and it just blankets the entire room with natural light. And, come on, those giant bay windows offer incredible views of the ocean and some stunning sunsets. We even get the pleasure of viewing that enormous and violently cursed volcano every day. It’s absolutely magical.
The fact that the only toilet is just sitting outside and facing the volcano is so intriguing. That just means we get to enjoy the beautiful weather a little more often.
Your listing stated that there’s an intense sulfur vapor from the volcano? So that’s what the yellow residue was in all the photos. Nah, that won’t bother us at all. I mean, we’re already popping Zyrtecs like candy for our allergies anyway.
One thing that surprised us was that the required lava zone insurance was in addition to the HOA. That’s fine, and we prepaid for the first year already. I’m sure we can also place some lava detectors around the property.
We also just bought several sprinklers since you recommended keeping the entire perimeter of the house moist. Maintaining a cool foundation makes total sense in the event of any earthquakes that the volcano may cause. What’s the perimeter of this tiny house anyway? About 250 feet? Fantastic.
We’re not scared of earthquakes, though. We think of them as our friendly and reliable “canary in a coal mine,” as it were. We’re well aware that if we feel the beginnings of an earthquake, it means an angry volcanic eruption isn’t too far behind. So it’s a neat little warning for us to high tail it out of here before it decimates half this state.
Seriously, this place is so artsy! That huge hole in the wall that faces the volcano is very avant-garde. We’ve read the 30-page addendum that stated any attempt to patch it up will create some rumbling and unexplained lava flow. Oh, and we’ve already been working on our ukulele chops and learned two of the recommended folk songs that are supposed to appease the volcano. It says you recommend doing that every hour or so? Cool, that doesn’t sound crazy to us at all.
We’re even willing to drive up the treacherous hill and provide any sacrifices it might require.
There’s no need to schedule a tour. We’ll take it! I’m wiring you $100,000 over your asking price as we speak. It’s a no-brainer!