Hey, man! It’s been a while. What a year, huh? Really nice to be able to see people again. Sorry, am I talking weird? I’m not? Oh good. I’m a little self-conscious about that. A year in isolation is bound to throw off the old social skills, right? Haha. Can we hold hands?
I apologize for asking to hold your hand and then becoming so embarrassed when you said, “No thanks,” that I just did the “hang loose” sign for one full minute at you. Geez, I kind of forget how to act around people! But hey, I’m really liking this restaurant we’re sitting in with our physical bodies. Say, can we talk about how when we walked in here a minute ago, I straight up screamed? I was just stunned to be inside of a business. You get it, I’m sure. Oh, here comes the waitress!
Okay, be honest with me. Was it weird when the waitress told me where the bathroom is, I said, “Thanks, I’ve only gone into one bathroom for a LONG time, so I’m not sure where all the other ones are anymore!” Was that a strange sentence?
Wow, sorry I was gone for so long. I must’ve not been listening when she said where the bathroom is because, haha, get this, I somehow wound up in the bathroom of a completely different restaurant? Is that normal?
Sorry, did you just say that your OTHER friend is meeting us here? Wow, uh, I did NOT prepare for that. I don’t even think I… remember how to MEET another person? Do I recite to them the plot of The Mummy Returns? What if I forget it? I should definitely say my name, but I guess it wouldn’t be horrible if I left out the mummy part. Do I tell them the plot of a different movie, then? Could I just… say my name twice?
Just realized that if I say my name twice, they might think I have two names. I wouldn’t want that! That would make me seem like a FUCKING WEIRDO. And I’m not that! Hahaha! HAHAHA. OH, GREAT, THEY’RE HERE. HI I’M AUDREY AUDREY FARNSWORTH, AND I HEARD YOU WERE COMING HERE, FROM THIS GUY, WHO IS A FRIEND WITH BOTH OF US, AND NOW YOU AND I ARE ALSO FRIENDS, TOO.
Whew. I think that went well. So, what are everyone’s home addresses and full job titles? Do you guys have cars? What are your license plate numbers?
Is it weird that I ordered two bowls of the same soup? I didn’t know how big the bowl would be, and I’m starving.
Okay, wow, I definitely blacked out for a moment. Oh, it wasn’t a moment? It was 25 minutes? And I was just staring into space? Wow, uh, socializing is HARD now. Really takes it out of you! Does anyone else feel the intense need to sleep for several days? Would it be weird if I just closed my eyes right here? NO, OF COURSE, I DON’T WANT TO GO HOME. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN OUT IN PUBLIC WITH YOU, MY TWO BEST FRIENDS.
Wow, that was so much fun. Okay, so what do you guys want to do now? Should we walk down the street to go to another restaurant? Oh, you both have to go! Okay, totally! That’s fine! Haha. That’s fine by me, I’ll allow it! Haha. Not like I’m in charge of you. I’m not. I’m not the king! This isn’t my court! You’re not my little dancing jesters! You’re my friends! You’re my two great friends! Haha! LOL. Is that a thing? Do people SAY “LOL,” as a word? I can’t remember! Hahaha, why can’t I fucking remember!
WAIT, before you walk away, does anyone remember where my apartment is? I know, I know, I’ve been inside of it for one whole year, but this whole experience was honestly so stressful that I think it erased everything else that was previously inside of my brain? Is that regular? I’m not being weird, am I?