One drink for every time Netflix asks you if you’re still watching. Two drinks if one of you is asleep.
One drink for every decorative lantern in your house. A case of beer to the friends that will have to move them because why would we pay for movers when Tony does Crossfit?
A shot of whiskey to the person in the shower in your one-bathroom apartment who lets their significant other pee “real quick.” A shot of Tabasco to the significant other who poops instead.
One drink for every hole in your favorite sweatpants. Finish your beer if any of these holes are revealing.
Three drinks for having sex somewhere other than the bed. A shot of tequila if you need that to get you going.
One low-calorie beer for every unused piece of fitness equipment in your house. One shot of clear liquor for every frozen pizza in your freezer.
Two drinks for talking about getting a puppy and then deciding you’ll just wait until you have a yard.
Drink a beer every time your significant other tells you a story lasting longer than five minutes with no discernable point. Three drinks per each additional minute.
One drink for every fart in bed. Two drinks for complaining about natural bodily functions.
A glass of wine for every social event you avoid by saying your significant other has a headache. A bottle of wine if the original Robocop is on TV.