We, the representatives of Fashion, are excited to announce the existence of an as-of-yet-undiscovered species of human woman known as Plus-Size. Or, as our scientists and designers refer to them, Vaginus Maximus.
The Plus-Size Woman (PSW) can be found in every country, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status. In fact, you may be as surprised as we were to learn that in the United States alone, PSWs are over sixty percent of the population of all women. They are everywhere! We admit, we were a little embarrassed to learn that we have not been making clothing or marketing to over half the population of women, but then we remembered that before now, they did not exist. How could we have made clothing for nonexistent women? Ergo, every item we make for them now is our gift. Fashion is ever humbled by our own humility.
Every day is a new adventure for us in the world of the PSW! It raises many questions. What do they like to wear? What makes them feel good in their clothes? Is there enough fabric for them? While these mysteries are as of yet unknowable, our developers are working around the clock to understand this new breed of woman. The PSWs, excited to finally be acknowledged, literally throw buckets of cash at us in an attempt to get us to create clothing for them.
What the PSW did for clothing up to now is unbeknownst to us, but as far as we can tell it seems to be some sort of sack, usually in a floral print. Winter or spring, PSW’s love floral prints! It seemed wrong to assimilate the PSW into the clothing of Normal Women, so we have based many of our designs around their existing styles. We believe a crop top or a low-rise pant could spook them away forever. It is important to remind them every single day that they are an entirely new and different breed of woman.
Creating clothing for them is requiring all of our resources. It took us at least three years to create a numbering system above twelve. We were even more shocked to realize that they do in fact have jobs, families, and lives much like Normal Women. After much-continued research, we found that they want to look as good and be as comfortable in their clothing as any other Normal Woman. One can not help but admire the pluck of this struggling species!
Our earliest discoveries found that the average PSW did not know she was an abomination against Fashion and hideous to our conventional expectations. Her attitude was so positive, so optimistic, we were even forced to wonder if she owned a full-length mirror, a measuring tape, or years of guilt and shame imposed upon her by a maternal figure.
We made several early attempts to approach, but were often met with outcries like: “Why are you poking me in the stomach?”; “Please don’t set your flash off in my face”; and “I understand everything you are saying about me, I speak English, it’s me, Trisha, from Accounting.” She even insisted she was of the same species as Normal Women. Absurd, we know.
Our first contact with the PSW was also fraught with struggles in communication, with many of them begging that we make them a well-fitting pair of jeans. Our design assistant instead handed them more ponchos. They cried in what we can only assume was thankfulness.
Every day, we get a little closer to understanding the Plus-Size Woman. We think to ourselves how we would like to dress if we also inhabited such bulbous forms. The first round of brainstorming always results in at least one poncho with vertical stripes, but recently we think we’re really hitting on something with “wide tunic that is like a poncho but has arms and a belt.” A belt might make the PSW think she has a waist. We are brilliant, thank you, we know. We will toast vodka sodas and eat kale salads in celebration.
Some of our contemporaries have suggested we work directly with the PSWs, maybe even hire one to gain insight on their needs. This is an interesting thought, but we instead choose to keep a calculated distance from our subjects, slowly discovering their needs without ever corrupting them in their natural habitats (outlet malls).
Besides, what place could there possibly be for Plus-Size Women in Fashion?