Fights I’ve Recently Seen in Which I was Not Involved, but Still Played a Part, However Minor, Done in Three Short Plays.

CHARACTERS

Boyfriend: Mid 20’s tanned, wraparound sunglasses perched on top of head.

Girlfriend: Mid 20’s blond, tanned, wearing cutoff jean shorts and a Sammy Sosa jersey.
She is pretty, except when she is not.

Passerby: Someone like me, but not me, I was just watching. This person spoke.

Me: Me.

SCENE

Dusk, a tree and car lined city street. A sprinkler chicka chicka’s away on a nearby lawn watering as much sidewalk as grass. There are a handful of pedestrians walking by as BOYFRIEND, in the driver’s seat of a black, somewhat sporty car attempts to maneuver into a parallel parked position. The car jerks and lurches as he moves back and forth. The engine growls underneath his heavy foot. GIRLFRIEND is outside of the car, shouting instructions. The car windows are up. Music, deep and bassy, thunders from the stereo, audible even outside the car.

GIRLFRIEND
(shrieking)
Cut the wheel! Now now now! Cut it! Turn goddamn it!

BOYFRIEND
(Gesturing and shouting, unintelligible)

GIRLFRIEND
I can’t fucking hear you!

BOYFRIEND
(Unintelligible, shouting and gesturing)

BOYFRIEND bumps into the car in the space behind him, a taillight falls off his somewhat sporty black car.

GIRLFRIEND picks up taillight and knocks it against the still closed car window.

GIRLFRIEND
Fucker! Stop! Listen to me! Stop!

BOYFRIEND
(Gesturing and shouting, unintelligible)

PASSERBY
(Shouting)
Why don’t you roll the window down?

GIRLFRIEND
(To PASSERBY)
Fuck off jerk!

BOYFRIEND
(Unintelligible, waving, shaking fist)

GIRLFRIEND
(To ME)
Why don’t you take a picture asshole, it’ll last longer!

END
(The next in this series will appear at a later date. Do not try to guess when because we will not tell you.)