Greetings, colleagues —

As we start planning our return to the office, we wanted to give you a gentle heads-up that we’ve made a few changes to our workspace based on the results of our WFH vs. WFO survey. We’ve definitely added more live plants (hello, fern canopy!) throughout our communal spaces, but the biggest change you’ll find is that there are now three rooms for guttural screams.

While we can’t replicate the “scream anywhere, anytime” perks of working from home, we’ve done our absolute best to give everyone the ability to build in moments of emotional release throughout their day.

LOGISTICS

Scream Room #1 is in our Riverside workspace (near the snacks and Bevi machine). Scream Room #2 is in our Bayside workspace (where trivia nights go down). And Scream Room #3 is, you guessed it, in our Cornside space (by the big coat closet).

SCREAM ROOM RULES

Due to the overwhelming number of people requesting the ability to scream during the workday, we’re anticipating high demand for these new rooms. Please follow the rules below so we all can get the most out of these liberating spaces.

  • Use the accompanying Google sheet to reserve a room for guttural screams. Please do not delete anyone’s name and take their slot, no matter how badly you need a guttural scream. If you have any issues with this, you can Slack Rhonda in HR.
  • On the sheet, make sure you indicate whether your reservation is private (just you) or public (others welcome). Rhonda says guttural screaming in groups is actually great for team building, but no pressure.
  • Speaking of groups: there can only be up to four people screaming in a single room at a time. At five, the screams start to carry beyond the insulated walls.
  • If you happen to walk by a room for guttural screams and it’s open, feel free to pop in and scream for as long as you need or until someone with a reservation requests that you leave. DO NOT pretend to have a reservation if you don’t really have one.
  • All scream sessions MUST be booked in five-minute increments. This ensures our schedule works out in nice, round numbers, and it’s the way Rhonda set up the sheet. Don’t try to creep in an eight-minute session. It’s either five minutes or ten minutes; it can never be eight.
  • Currently, we are not placing caps on scream times, but this is subject to change. If we start getting complaints that some people aren’t even able to get in a five-minute scream, while others are averaging thirty minutes of screaming a day, then we may have a time-cap situation on our hands. For now, please only schedule the sessions you need, not the sessions you want.
  • If all rooms for guttural screaming are booked, and you desperately need to scream, DO NOT use one of the coat closets. Not even the big one in Cornside. We know people went there to scream in the past, and we ignored it, but we’re trying to break old habits and instead build healthy ones. No more screaming in coat closets, PLEASE. (Parking garage is still okay, but only on your lunch break.)
  • Your guttural scream hours are not billable. There is no job number associated with the time you spend screaming, so DO NOT ask any of your project managers to open up a job number.
  • NO FOOD OR DRINK in these rooms, please. The carpets and floor pillows are all new, and the food smell WILL LINGER in these spaces whether you spill anything or not.
  • If you’re comfortable taking a selfie or recording yourself during your guttural scream session, please Slack it to Gravin D., chair of our Office Happs Committee, to be featured during next month’s “What’s the Happs?!” presentation.

As these rooms for guttural screaming become part of our daily routine, there will inevitably be updates to the rules above. This will be a learning period for all of us, so please be patient!

Rhonda has also given me the green light to let you know about another upcoming renovation happening in Q4. We’re getting washers and dryers installed in one of the coat closets (not Cornside), so you can do laundry all day at the office just like you would at home. Rules to follow!

Any questions, Slack it to me!
Janston