People don’t understand what’s funny anymore. You basically have to tell them when to laugh—and that burden often falls on yours truly.
“He’s just trolling us,” I say to my wife, as I pay two hundred dollars for eggs and our town gets measles for the second year in a row.
“It’s actually so hilarious,” I explain as we discover we’ve been purged from voter rolls. She’s not chuckling yet, but I think she’s starting to get it.
The mainstream media takes him too seriously. The truth is, it’s all a big overreaction to some good old-fashioned gags.
“It’s just a prank,” I remind the bank teller as I take out a personal loan for my annual physical. I look up at a nearby television, where he’s announcing a new plan to hunt people for sport.
See that big grin of his? “What a trickster,” I smirk as I agree to a 50 percent interest rate and put a lien on my kidneys.
“It’s all a big joke,” I remind my children as we watch an infomercial for his new mandatory cryptocurrency on the only news channel we’re allowed to stream.
“Too good,” I nod knowingly as he unveils plans to turn all federal buildings into casinos. “Top-ten standup of all time,” I wink as I empty my savings account to buy an avocado.
And the other guy—such a class clown. “Comedy is finally back,” I insist, as I prick my finger for my daily blood draw, the new requirement before using his internet for the day.
“LMAO, we just got punk’d!” I comment on an interview clip where he lists the reasons health care isn’t as important as rockets that explode.
“He really cracks me up,” I shout to my copilot as we try to land the plane without the FAA (there weren’t enough pilots for my flight, so they asked for volunteers, and I’m always ready to get in on the schtick).
How does nobody get it? How are so many people missing the punchline? I can’t believe everyone’s falling for the runaround.
“They’re just a couple of big goofballs!” I yell as they drag me away for writing this. Can you believe I’ll never see my family again? What a great bit.