The Willy-Nilly System of Governance is a hybrid model that brings together both definitions of the term willy-nilly: “in a careless way without planning” and “whether you want it or not.” That’s right; the word the system is named after is nonsensical and has two completely different meanings, which is in no way a metaphor for the chaos it has already caused seven weeks into its implementation.
We here at the Trump administration are proud to combine the best aspects of both meanings of willy-nilly to make governing decisions that are both haphazard and unpopular.
Some people seem stumped about our strategy of flipping positions back and forth seemingly at random on matters of huge importance, like tariffs and wars. But that’s only because they think we have a strategy. We’re just doing whatever we feel like with no foresight, illustrating one of the Willy-Nilly System’s central tenets: There are no wrong answers because we should not assess any of our decisions before implementing them.
Whether it’s brainstorming ideas or making consequential foreign policy decisions, the Willy-Nilly System posits that we should just randomly throw a bunch of things no one asked for at the wall and see what sticks. Even when those “things” are rash, unpredictable policy changes that undermine our nation’s power and trustworthiness on the world stage and the “wall” is carefully maintained, mutually beneficial relationships with allies around the globe.
Regarding our approach to reducing the federal workforce, sure, we could find out what agencies and departments do, understand what positions entail, or talk to literally even one person who actually works somewhere before we fire people and then scramble to rehire those who were accidentally and/or illegally fired. And yes, we could have talked to the heads of agencies before firing their employees with no regard for whether they agreed or not, and then pretended that we didn’t.
But why would we do any advance planning around this downsizing when we could instead disrupt civil servants’ livelihoods for political grandstanding? Doing that would violate another tenet of the Willy-Nilly System: Sometimes, you have to dismantle the plane while flying it. Coincidentally, that is also our new slogan for the FAA.
When it comes to decisions about government funding, coordination across branches and agencies has historically been considered important—the left hand should know what the right hand is doing. But our Willy-Nilly System doesn’t adhere to that sensical approach. No, it adheres to the tenet that not only does the right hand not need to know what the left hand is doing, but the right hand doesn’t even need to know what the right hand is doing.
We hope this explanation answers your questions about the puzzling, accidental, and terrifying decisions we have made and will continue to make, and convinces you that we have kind of just been bumbling through all this, often without the input or support of key stakeholders. While our administration might do things in an unorthodox manner and ultimately cause the complete, irreparable collapse of the United States of America, we are using the Willy-Nilly System exactly as designed, and we assure you we would never do anything namby-pamby or loosey-goosey.