Because even the guy who dies first thinks he’s the main character. Guess the movies from their skewed summaries, and check your answers at the bottom.
1. Finally, a Hot FBI Agent Asks Me About Cocoons
2. A Naked American Man Stole My Balloons
3. The Wonderful Hat and the Police Chief with No Taste
4. Why I Will Never Tote Sheets of Plate Glass in This Town Ever Again
5. I Showed Up to the Beach Party in My Cute Jumpsuit, and No One Else Was There
6. Well, I Thought It Was Funny, Barbra
7. That Sobbing Englishman Won’t Stop Following Me
8. Where’s My Damn Secretary
9. The Underpaid Gym Teacher and the Shameful Waste of Tampons
10. Help—My Girlfriend Is Hooked on Caffeine Pills
11. My Hot Furry Weekend and That Weirdo Caretaker
12. The Negligent Babysitter and the Unattended Children
13. This Laundry Room Window Is Too Damn Small
14. The Line for the Mall Is Too Damn Long
15. It’s Not a Dog, You Idiots
16. This Airbnb Isn’t Wheelchair-Accessible
17. Stop Asking Me Trivia Questions—I’m at Work
18. I Went Swimming by Myself, and My Mom Got Really Mad
19. Wait, Are There Nuts in This?
20. Those Kids Won’t Stop Tapping on the Goddamn Walls
21. That Time I Won Hide and Seek, and Then We Had a Bonfire
22. I Should Definitely Poke This with a Stick
23. Our Only Friend Is a Goat
24. Who Are You, How Long Was I Out, and Why Does It Smell Like Car Air Fresheners
25. Just Move the Headstones, It’s Cheaper
Key
1. Noble Pilcher and Albert Roden, The Silence of the Lambs
2. Little Boy, An American Werewolf in London
3. Harry, Jaws
4. Truck Driver, The Omen
5. Jeremiah (tethered on beach), Us
6. Johnny, Night of the Living Dead
7. The Dwarf, Don’t Look Now
8. George Lowery, Psycho
9. Miss Collins, Carrie
10. Glen Lantz, A Nightmare on Elm Street
11. Roger the Dog Man / “The Man in the Bear Suit,” The Shining
12. Curt Duncan, When a Stranger Calls
13. Annie Brackett, Halloween
14. Any zombie, Dawn of the Dead
15. Lars, The Thing
16. Franklin Hardesty, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
17. Casey Becker, Scream
18. Jason Voorhees, Friday the 13th (or Alex Kinter, Jaws)
19. Charlie Graham, Hereditary
20. The Upstairs Neighbor, Let the Right One In
21. Rowan Morrison, The Wicker Man
22. Barney/Old Man, The Blob
23. Mercy and Jonas, The VVitch
24. Victor Allen (“Sloth”), Seven
25. Mr. Teague, Poltergeist