Where x = batting average of son
y = dad’s personal dreams unfulfilled
m = years left in dad’s marriage with mom
c = games where child refused to wear cup
g = games where child cried
b = dad’s current blood pressure
p = times dad passed over for partner at law firm
a = % alcohol in dad’s travel mug at game
o = ortho visits for dad after showing son how to throw curveball
t = Taylor Swift songs sung by son in right field
s = instances of dad alone in car screaming
f = dad’s approval rating of own father