Life is a comedy written by a sadist obsessed with tragedy.
Life is a comedy written by a madman and enacted by a troupe of tragically untalented amateur actors high on morphine for an audience that isn’t paying attention.
Life is a historical drama written by a psychiatrist and produced by a grandma who’s lost in an airport hallway of twinkling lights that are malfunctioning because a comedian unplugged them and threw them at a masochist.
Life is an absurdist tragicomedy written by a freakishly ambitious haunted house actor and directed by a bored sadist with a nightmare fetish who spent a summer during college in Paris and won’t shut up about it.
Life is a revisionist history written by the witty friend in a romantic comedy who fell down a flight of stairs and isn’t quite so witty anymore and produced by a poorly read historian who’s studying to be an even worse psychiatrist with a failure fetish.
Life is a comedy in the form of a funny chain email from 1997 in yellow and red font that ends with the line, “So that’s why I don’t tip the gardener anymore!” and directed by a shaman with poor control over his staff who is really swinging it around for a crowd of sadists who are praying he hits someone on accident.
Life is a space opera written by an astronaut whose isolation has caused an acute attack of madness and produced by a dark space lord who feasts on the souls of lost astronauts because that’s just how his parents who died in a zeppelin fire raised him.
Life is an instruction manual for a 3-D printer illustrated by a blind poet who apparently thinks he’s illustrating the DSM-V and whose heart has melted onto the page which is great but now he can’t breathe or move and most of the drawings don’t make sense anyway because they were inspired by half-remembered surrealist paintings.
Life is a rough draft status update written by an aspiring comedian who should probably aspire to be something else because what he’s written is C+ stuff that a failed psychiatrist with a clown obsession could have written in a haunted house populated by mimes who are sociopaths.
Life is a Yelp review of a Chinese restaurant in Montana written by a fly fishing guide with a rice passion and voted “useful” by an interested loner with a soy sauce hunger and while these two will never meet at least they had this one beautiful moment which was spied on by an NSA madman with a sweet and sour sauce vendetta.
Life is a coupon booklet written by a real Howie Automotive pusher who doesn’t even like Howie Automotive but has an intense hatred of True Repair Auto & Motorcycle and has decided to make it go out of business due to a certain sociopathic clown psychiatrist who’s been working there and sending out real creepy vibes and thus Howie Automotive must win and must always win.
Death is a tragedy.