A book is like a field; I cannot explain every blade of grass. You must discover the grass for yourself."
“Your essay is like a wagon. You have the cart, the wheels, the horse, but the bolts need to be tightened or the whole thing is going to fall apart, the horse will get away, and you will become a member of the Bundren family.”
“Have you seen The Matrix? No? Nevermind.”
“This sentence is like an idea bubble over your head, except you are both the cartoon and the cartoonist. I can’t figure out where the bubble ends and you begin.”
“I will give extra credit to anyone who brings Joseph Gordon-Levitt to class.”
“You had one idea in this paragraph, but you used it again in the next paragraph, which is like taking the cast of Laguna Beach and trying to pass them off as The Hills.”
“A paragraph is like a cow. It has a skeleton, muscles, organs, connective tissue, and skin. Your cow is like a Great Depression cow in the Dust Bowl. You are taking Euro? Okay, like a cow in WWI.”
“This idea to this idea? Is like going from hockey to prom with no shower in between.”
“Using ‘anyways’ in an essay is like asking your grandmother to do the Harlem Shake.”
“What is the Harlem Shake?”
“One time? When I was your age? I wrote a whole essay and my computer crashed. So I went to a public computer and retyped it. And you know what? Drafting is helpful.”
“A thesis is like a brain. Without one, your essay is like a zombie.”
“Have you read The Lord of the Rings? No? Do you want to go to college?”