Recently I joined the business advisory council for Rumpelstiltskin. My decision to engage with and effect policy from the inside has generated much criticism that I believe is both unfair and dangerously misguided. As many of you know, Rumpelstiltskin has gained almost mythical status as an evil hobgoblin when he is really just an astute, cunning, businessman. Mythology is dangerous because it’s not grounded in reality, and today more than ever we must hew to a truthful fact-based viewing of the world.
I love children deeply which is why I believe it’s important to work closely with my friend, Rump (that’s his preferred nickname). Helping Rump better and more efficiently take children from mothers does not in anyway mean that I support the theft of children, rather it means I care deeply about their well-being. Any mother who offers up her child, even if it’s a choice between life and death, is unfit for that job. Any father who procreates with such a woman is equally deserving of scorn because I am, above all things, a feminist. That Rump is now taking children willy-nilly does not change my view that engagement is always the way forward.
It is a reflection of my love for children to ensure that their transit from the loving arms of their mothers into the loving arms of the matrix is conducted in the most tender, efficient and profit driven way possible. I will personally draw up the flowchart that maps the process of this transfer to optimize efficiency and minimize pain and I will donate $1 per reallocated child to a worthy organization. Think of the GDP growth we are generating. Think of the tide we are raising. The wealth we allow to trickle down will be a veritable waterfall so it is imperative that you ready your buckets.
Rump’s executive order to expedite the transfer of infants from hospital nurseries has brought immediate challenges to the employees of my firm who are wondering if their children are safe. I am writing to share my thoughts on the implications of this order which is that children are beautiful and so are the employees of my firm.
Children are more than a right, they are a privilege. As Whitney Houston would say, “Children are the future” and that is why it’s vital to treat them well. Children have been and will continue to be the core element of our country — whether they are with their parents or the factories of Rump, they are who we will become. It isn’t important who raises the children, but that they are raised and beloved, and they will be raised and beloved by Rump or by me or by a robot.
This is why I accepted Rump’s invitation: roads don’t pave themselves, they require not only good intentions but capital — for building materials, for labor and for the AI-powered machines that will eventually render labor and all of our children irrelevant. In these polarizing days, I’m choosing to look beyond politics to the future. Would you rather have Rump operate without my voice of moderation? He would be a despot without my silky, sage advice. I am objecting everyday to his laws but that doesn’t mean I won’t keep helping implement them.
The policies we put into place now will develop the technology that will enable us to move forward despite the fact that we are moving backward. What matters is that we move. Giving movement to our vocal chords will give movement to the sound waves to carry our words in a meaningful contribution as America stays open to sound and innovation. We will contribute to move about meaningfully until our economy vibrates again with noise and straw spins itself into gold.