Terrifying Bioengineered Animal-Snack Hybrids Not Mentioned as Potential Threats During the State of the Union Address

My New Tupperware Has Deadass Rizz, Bruh

An Imagined Conversation in the Lean Cuisine Test Kitchen

How Could You Erase Twenty Years of Progress by Removing That Last Jenga Block?

A B-List Celebrity’s Rider or a Toddler’s Food Demands?

Accurate College Marketing Taglines

Other Things John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Wished People Shouted at Him

An Open Letter to Lumon Industries Requesting to Please Kindly Insert the Severance Device in My Brain and Keep It on “Innie” Mode for the Next Four Years

Excerpts from The Believer: Resurrector: Black Square