1. The Funny One (Who Makes Problematic Jokes About Caitlyn Jenner)
He’s outgoing, quick-witted, and so hilarious you’ll totally overlook his thorny stand up set about Caitlyn Jenner where he misgenders her and calls her a “man with boobs.” You’ll smile and just politely chuckle, after all, you don’t want to be uptight about the whole thing. It’s just a joke, right? He doesn’t mean it.
2. The Mama’s Boy (Who Doesn’t Hang Out With You During Your Period)
You’ve always wanted a sweet guy like this: somebody who’s kind, caring, and texts his mom very day. Sure, he doesn’t want to spend time with you when you’re on your period because he says you’re “too emotional” and “it’s just so icky,” but you totally get it. I mean, you don’t want to be clingy or anything. I guess his mom didn’t have periods then? Whatever.
3. The Hipster (Who Says The N-Word When He Raps Along to Songs)
If you go to a liberal arts school, you know you’re going to be dating this beanie-wearing, chai latte-sipping, Nietzsche-quoting guy who knows the lyrics to all the new Frank and Kendrick, including the ones that aren’t exactly “his” to say. You feel like you’ve read a Jezebel article on this, but you don’t want to get into an argument about the whole thing. It’s fine. Just let it go.
4. The Freshman (Who Wears a “Tequila Bandito” Costume on Halloween)
Rawr, since when did you become such a cougar? Though he’s just a college baby, there’s something about that wide-eyed stare and blissful naiveté that gets your motor running. You’ll spot him at the Fright Night party wearing a tasteless sombrero, fake mustache, and problematic poncho, but you’re drunk. And it’s not like anybody even cares. If somebody cared, they would have said something. So. Not your problem.
5. The Religious Guy (Who Can’t Tell Your Asian Friends Apart)
He goes to church every Sunday, reads the Bible before bed, and your parents love him – so you know he’s a good person, right? He does keep mixing up Lisa and Frankie, but that’s an honest mistake. He’s just bad with faces, and they do look alike. Sorta. If you squint. Crap, no wait, you didn’t mean it like that–
6. The Commitment-Phobe (Who Doesn’t Think Bisexuals Are Real)
Are you hanging out? Hooking up? Dating? Who knows, because you’ve never said more than three words to him outside of the bedroom. You know it’s an issue that he thinks that bisexuals are just gay people “faking it,” but it’s not like you’re planning on marrying the guy. You don’t need to be the one trying to like, fix him or whatever.
7. The Political One (Who Writes “No Fatties” On His Tinder Bio)
A former volunteer for Hillary’s campaign, this tightly wound guy speaks in Politico articles and poll numbers from Gallup. He is always telling you how woke he is, so you try not to think too hard about the fact you matched with him on Tinder even with that bio. You’re not fat, so it’s not an issue. I mean, he swiped right. So that’s basically a compliment. You should honestly be flattered. Stop thinking so hard.
8. The Frat Bro
Okay, you knew what you were getting into with this one. You’re on your own here.