Things I Desperately Wish Women Would Say to Me on First Dates

“Tell me again about the hidden minus world in Super Mario Bros.”

“Is that an XXL MAGIC: THE GATHERING shirt? Plus five to Gryffindor!”

“I think Superman represents the federal government, while Batman represents the autonomous local governments.”

“Captain Picard, of course!”

“I really enjoyed this date. I’d like it if you called me.”