Things You Would Say If You Had a Time Machine and Lots of Financial Problems

Now my check won’t bounce!

That generic cat food caused my future cat to have future explosive diarrhea.

I left my wallet in 1488, but I might have some ducats in my other pair of pants.

We start having sex unless you promise to pay me $63,248.71 in child support later.

I’ve got to stop myself from majoring in Brit Lit.

My stupid HMO doesn’t cover post-existing conditions.

Oh crap, I forgot there are debtors’ prisons in 1736.

Thank God President Oprah is going to raise the minimum wage.

When did I leave that secured-credit-card application?

I’d go back and invest money in the past if only I could afford gas for my time machine in the present.