When I introduced myself to my boss three years ago and he said, “Actually, you look more like a Eunice, so let’s pivot. I’m gonna call you Eunice.”
When Gary in accounting kept bragging about his key learnings from his recent trip to the Norwegian “Fuh-jords.”
When I ordered take-out because I was working late and my fortune cookie said: “All of your hard work will soon be double the amount of hard work.”
When the air conditioning in the conference room was set to arctic and the cold actually was kind of bothering me.
When I asked my boss if we could raise the temperature in the conference room a bit and he said, “Nobody else has complained. Are you sure you’re giving 110% of your body heat?”
When I dressed up as Elsa on Halloween and the finance guys said I seemed like more of an Olaf.
When a co-worker’s targeted ads were for “Empowering Ties That’ll Move the Needle On Your Promotion” and mine were for tissues and pints of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food.
When I found Gary eating my peach vanilla yogurt in the breakroom and he just shrugged and said it was “low-hanging fruit.”
When I went to the library on my lunch break and asked for What Color is Your Parachute? and the librarian requested that I endorse her on LinkedIn for Speed Book-Finding.
When Gary found me tearing up at my desk at the end of a long day and said, “Aw, don’t worry, your bangs will grow out before you know it.”
When my boss approached me at the office holiday party and asked for my “buy-in” on holding my glass so as not to ruin the coasters.
When my holiday bonus was just a coupon book for free synergy.
When “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” was playing every half hour in the office lobby.
When my co-workers got personalized Paper Plate Awards and mine was “Best Value Added for Buying New Replacement Paper Plates.”
When I mentioned that going through so many disposable plates was actually kind of bad for the environment and my boss said, “That’s a pretty big paradigm shift, Eunice.”
When I took my sick cat to the vet on my way back from Paper Plates R Us and the vet explained that the cat had secondhand anxiety, likely because her owner doesn’t actually let things go.