Think of it: Short, humorous pieces, inspired by specific, dated news items. What happens to such pieces, should this publication, or one of its johnny-come-hither counterparts, fail to run them in time for them to retain their relevance, their topicality, their wow-he-must’ve-written-that-this-very-morning-ness? You can probably guess their fate: They are, in the vernacular, “killed.” But this, Untimely Week, is their chance to live. Enjoy Untimely Week.
While catching up on some newspaper reading, I came across a story that seemed almost too farcical to be true. According to the Wall Street Journal, the National Rifle Association plans to open a theme restaurant in Times Square. Well, this got me brainstorming: What would the menu look like at an NRA restaurant? Here’s one possibility. — N.W.
NRA GRILLE
DINNER MENU
SOUPS AND SALADS
Soup du Jour
Cup……. $2.95
Bowl….. $3.95
House Salad
$3.25 à la carte or
$1.95 with dinner entrée
Hearts of Romaine — Romaine lettuce tossed in our house ranch dressing with aged jack cheese and smoked bacon. $5.95
Spinach Salad — Fresh spinach tossed in honey balsamic dressing with pecans, julienne red onions and feta cheese. $5.25
Tortilla Soup — Medley of fresh vegetables and chicken in a lightly spiced broth. Topped with tortilla strips and cheese.
Cup……. $2.95
Bowl….. $3.95
Caesar Salad — Romaine tossed with parmesan cheese, croutons and Caesar dressing. $4.95
Shrimp Salad and Avocado — Shrimp tossed with onion, celery and cocktail sauce in 1/2 an avocado on a bed of mesclun lettuce. $8.95
MAIN DISHES
Chicken Fried Steak — Hand breaded, covered in country gravy and served with a house salad and French fries. $8.95
Barbecued Brisket Sandwich — Smoked brisket sliced thin on a hoagie bun with sautéed peppers and onions. Served with fries. $6.50
Southwest Stuffed Chicken — Tender oven fried chicken breast with a spicy onion, pepper and cheese stuffing. Served on a bed of julienne vegetables with roasted garlic mashed potatoes. Topped with mustard Hollandaise and roasted red pepper sauce. $11.95
Fried Shrimp — 4 hand breaded shrimp served with baked potato and vegetable of the day. $9.95
Grilled Salmon — Served on a bed of spinach and saffron rice with a lemon cilantro beurre blanc. $13.95
Chicken Florentine — Grilled chicken breast topped with sautéed spinach and provolone cheese. Served on a bed of angel hair pasta tossed in a basil cream sauce. $9.95
Fettuccine Alfredo — Made one of three ways: “Classical” tossed with julienne vegetables; “Cajun” with a spicy Cajun cream sauce; or “Basil Cream” tossed with tri-colored Fettuccine. $7.95
Beef Tenderloin Kabobs — Large pieces of beef tenderloin skewered with cherry tomatoes, squash, bell peppers and onions. Grilled to perfection and served on a bed of rice with our Honey Mango or Super Worcestershire dipping sauce. $11.95
Manicotti & Pesto — Three cheese manicotti topped with a creamy pesto sauce. $8.95
Pecan Crusted Halibut and Seared Scallops — Served with a seasoned potato cake, vegetable of the day and a chili pepper beurre blanc. $15.25
EXTRAS
Vegetable of the Day $3.25
Onion Rings $2.95
French Fries $2.50
Sautéed Mushrooms $2.25
Baked Potato $2.95
Fruit Salad $3.25
Grilled Onions $2.25
BEVERAGES
Soda $1.50
Tea $1.25
Milk $1.35
Coffee $1.10
Hot Chocolate $1.75
A gratuity of 15% will be added for parties of 8 or more.