Just like getting your driver’s license or having your first kiss, racking up thousands of dollars in medical debt is a coming of age moment. It’s an introduction to adulthood that millions of young Americans would really miss out on if we adopt a universal healthcare program.

I’m a 58-year-old professor of economics at one of New Jersey’s top 50 for-profit colleges, a freelance body language expert, and a centrist. Most importantly, I have years of experience working with my private insurance company, Blue Cross Blue Shield.

When I was diagnosed with cancer in 2016, my insurance company fought tooth and nail not to cover me. We came to a healthy agreement that they would cover some of the chemo if I promised to accept my own death if the cancer didn’t go away after six treatments. Luckily it did. But, more importantly, I learned so much from the tough love they showed me during that time. It showed me that they cared about me, taught me about boundaries, and proved that sometimes you have to stand your ground if you want to make a profit.

Yes, I still have about $120,000 in medical debt due to all of the other procedures they didn’t cover, but that’s what makes my private insurance unique.

And listen, I love the idea of a universal healthcare program that would save millions of lives and keep people from going bankrupt (like me), but that’s just not realistic. Sure, it sounds good in theory, but how are people going to learn about responsibility? Let’s say you get injured at your minimum-wage job; you’re telling me you should be able to just walk into a hospital not scared of being charged $6000 dollars!? Uh, no thank you. What kind of message is that sending?

The hard-working people at Blue Cross Blue Shield aren’t going to coddle their customers. Of course not. The whole point of health insurance is to make sure that when you are at your weakest point, you have someone to push you down even further so you can prove to yourself just how strong you are! You live in the land of liberty! You can do anything!

Most importantly, I don’t want my government helping me. What am I, a baby? No, sir, I am an American.

Here are some tips to save money for you and your health insurance:

  • Do you have an annual check-up? Skip it! You won’t have to fork over the co-pay and you will be saving your insurance company a lot of money.
  • Did you just shatter your femur? Just call an Uber or ask a friend to drive you to the hospital to avoid those pesky ambulance fees.
  • Try a holistic approach. Say you wake up one morning coughing blood. Before you go to the hospital to receive that inevitable cancer diagnosis that will cost you and your insurance company hundreds of thousands of dollars, why not try a warm bath with some rose water? Don’t forget to research “medical-grade crystals.”

Now everyone saves money. It’s a win-win, people.

Having health insurance should be like any healthy relationship, you have to give and take, and sometimes you have to compromise. And, at the end of the day, a good partner will let you die in an exorbitant amount of medical debt.

So before you go off telling everyone that no one likes their insurance, think again. Because this American absolutely does. And if anyone tries to take it away from me, I will kill myself.