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Articles by
Gary M. Almeter
Gary M. Almeter is an attorney who lives in a quaint and cozy neighborhood in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three children and beagle. His short stories, essays and humor pieces have appeared in McSweeney’s, Writer’s Bone, the Good Men Project, 1966, and Splitsider. He is the recipient of the Maryland Writer’s Association’s 2015 Creative Nonfiction Award."
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September 23, 2024We’re the Couple That Tina Turner Encounters at Minute 2:43 of Her “What’s Love Got to Do with It” Video, and This Is Our Story
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July 3, 2024How to Tell Whether Someone is Liberal or Conservative on the Fourth of July
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August 2, 2023I Am Trump’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer, and Once Again, I Have No Fucking Clue What Is Happening
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December 8, 2022How to Tell Whether Someone Is Liberal or Conservative
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June 16, 2022Home for Father’s Day Jorts Bingo
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May 19, 202135 Things You Never Knew About Peter Gabriel’s So Album
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December 7, 2020Yes, The Silence of the Lambs Is a Christmas Movie
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November 19, 2020What I Have Always Imagined Being on the Set of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” Video Shoot Was Like
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February 7, 2020Who Are You Wearing?!?!?
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September 5, 2019Predictions for Every NFL Team
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July 2, 2019Honest Fla-Vor-Ice Freeze Pops Flavors
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September 28, 2018Rejected Lyrics from Earth, Wind & Fire’s 1978 Hit Song “September”
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 26, 2025Excerpts from a Red-Hot Right-Wing Romance Novel
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
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March 28, 2025Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied
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March 28, 2025Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu
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March 27, 2025We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner