1. “I hate messaging; why don’t you just call me? Better yet, let’s talk face to face.”
2. “I wonder if crowd-sourcing my medical diagnosis on Facebook is really the best way to go here?”
3. “I’m glad that company decided to do the right thing before someone had to sue them over it.”
4. “You know, a man ran for that office last time and lost, so maybe we shouldn’t run another man again so soon.”
5. “I’m sure glad I waited to hear this woman’s perspective in its entirety, without interruption, and asked follow-up questions to deepen my understanding of her lived experience, rather than showering her in a triggered barrage of rage-filled verbal abuse.”
6. “We’re sorry, Chad, but we can’t take on your film project. We let a white guy direct one a couple of years ago, and it wasn’t profitable, so we’re reassessing our involvement in that community.”
7. “Well, sure, I think God wants us to talk about human sexuality, freely and without discomfort. It’s a healthy part of His creation.”
8. “We’re sorry, Mr. Smith, but we’ve already got our Caucasian book releases lined up for the foreseeable future, so we’re going to have to pass on your manuscript. Best of luck placing your work elsewhere.”
9. “You know, I think we have enough guns in the house now.”
10. “I hereby direct all Americans to stop saying ‘America’ when they really mean ‘the United States.’ There’s so much more to the Americas than just the United States.”
11. “Active shooter drill? No, I’m a schoolteacher, we don’t have to do those.”
12. “Welcome, amigo. You’re safe here.”