American History Lessons Edited to Comply with Anti-DEI Standards

“Images of ‘Enola Gay,’ the aircraft that dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima in Japan are among those targeted by the U.S. military in an initiative to eliminate content related to diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI).” – Newsweek

“Articles about the renowned Native American Code Talkers have disappeared from some military websites, with several broken URLs now labeled ‘DEI.’” – Axios Salt Lake City

As part of the Trump administration’s crackdown on wokeness, we are providing new guidelines for teaching United States history so that classroom curriculums no longer celebrate or emphasize specific groups of people over others. These history lessons have been edited to remove any references to race, gender, and sexual orientation that might fall under the category of DEI.

The [SOUTHWESTERN AMERICAN] Code Talkers

During World War II, [A GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT LIVE PRIMARILY IN RURAL ARIZONA AND NEW MEXICO] helped the United States Army send important military intel by translating it into [A SPECIAL TYPE OF COMMUNICATION THAT ONLY THEY UNDERSTOOD]. The brave [SOUTHWESTERN AMERICANS] helped the Allies win World War II thanks to [QUALITIES THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY UNIQUE TRAITS THEY MIGHT HAVE SHARED]. The only things those [SOUTHWESTERN AMERICANS] had in common was that they were [PART OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHOSE ANCESTORS HAVE LIVED IN THE UNITED STATES FOR A LONG TIME AND WHO HAVE HISTORICALLY CHOSEN TO RELOCATE TO INCREASINGLY DESOLATE AND REMOTE TRACTS OF LAND ENTIRELY BY THEIR OWN VOLITION].

The Enola [STRAIGHT] Drops the Atomic Bomb, “Little [CHILD],”
on [COUNTRY THAT HAPPENS TO BE IN ASIA]

On August 6, 1945, the American B-29 bomber, the Enola [STRAIGHT], became the first aircraft to drop an atomic bomb, nicknamed “Little [CHILD].” The airplane, [WHICH WAS, LIKE ALL AIRPLANES, HETEROSEXUAL], took off [VERY HETEROSEXUALLY] from the Northern Mariana Islands and flew six hours to [A COUNTRY THAT HAPPENED TO BE IN ASIA], where it dropped a fifteen-kiloton atomic bomb that killed 80,000 [CIVILIANS THAT HAPPENED TO LIVE IN THAT PART OF ASIA]. The decision to drop the bomb on [PEOPLE THAT HAPPENED TO LIVE IN THAT PART OF ASIA], as well as to detain [AMERICANS WHOSE ANCESTORS HAPPENED TO HAVE LIVED IN THAT PART OF ASIA] during World War II, had nothing to do with [PROPAGANDA THAT EMPHASIZED THE FACIAL FEATURES OF PEOPLE THAT HAPPENED TO LIVE IN THAT PART OF ASIA].

The [UNSPECIFIED TYPE OF PERSON]’s Suffrage Movement

Beginning in the nineteenth century, a growing movement paved the way for [AN UNSPECIFIED GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT MAKES UP ABOUT HALF THE POPULATION] to gain the right to vote. Up to that point, [THAT UNSPECIFIED GROUP OF PEOPLE] were not allowed to vote because of [A PARTICULAR PERSONAL QUALITY THEY HAD IN COMMON], and only [A DIFFERENT UNSPECIFIED GROUP THAT MAKES UP THE OTHER HALF OF THE POPULATION] were allowed to vote (unless they were [A DIFFERENT UNSPECIFIED TYPE OF PERSON], in which case they weren’t allowed to vote in several states either). This ended with the passage of the Nineteenth Amendment, which gave [UNSPECIFIED GROUP OF PEOPLE] the right to vote, as long as they weren’t [THAT OTHER UNSPECIFIED TYPE OF PERSON].

Jackie Robinson Overcomes
[NO SPECIFIC OBSTACLE IN PARTICULAR]
in Professional Baseball

Baseball hall of famer Jackie Robinson is best known for [NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, OTHER THAN BEING A GREAT BASEBALL PLAYER]. Though most major league baseball teams at the time refused to sign Robinson because [THEY JUST DIDN’T LIKE THE CUT OF HIS JIB], Robinson finally became the first [PERSON NAMED JACKIE ROBINSON] to play Major League Baseball in 1947. Jackie Robinson paved the way for [OTHER PEOPLE WHO WERE DISLIKED FOR NO REASON] to play professional sports.

The [HAPPY] Pride Movement

The beginning of the modern [HAPPY] Rights Movement is typically traced back to June 28, 1969, when a group of [PASSIONATE BARBRA STREISAND FANS] at the Stonewall Inn were [POLITELY ASKED TO DISPERSE] by the NYPD. The patrons of the Stonewall, many of whom [WORE MAKEUP AND JEWELRY DESPITE HAVING PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES THAT AREN’T AS OFTEN ASSOCIATED WITH WEARING MAKEUP AND JEWELRY] refused to disperse, leading to more [MUSICAL THEATER ENTHUSIASTS] joining their cause. The movement, which drew attention to whether [HAPPY] people should have the right to [BE HAPPY], gained momentum following the [LAWFUL AND APPROPRIATE ACTIONS OF POLICE OFFICERS] at the Stonewall Inn. Though the question remains whether [HAPPY] people are inherently [HAPPY] or just choose to be [HAPPY] for attention.

The [CROSS]-Atlantic [UNPAID INTERN] Trade

Starting in the early 1600s, [LANDOWNERS] in the United States began bringing [UNPAID INTERNS] from [THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ATLANTIC OCEAN], to work on their farms. The [UNPAID INTERNS] picked cash crops like cotton and tobacco and [IN EXCHANGE, WERE GIVEN FOOD, LODGING, AND VALUABLE JOB EXPERIENCE THAT WOULD LOOK GREAT ON THEIR RÉSUMÉS]. The unpaid interns were treated [THE SAME WAY AMERICA HAS ALWAYS TREATED EVERYBODY—EQUALLY]. This [HUMANE AND MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL] practice, known as the [CROSS]-Atlantic [UNPAID INTERN] Trade, lasted for hundreds of years, until the Civil War, which was started by [WHO EVEN REMEMBERS, REALLY?] and fought primarily over [STATES’ RIGHTS].