Questions Kevin McCallister Should Have Asked Donald Trump At The Plaza Hotel In Home Alone 2

Scene from Home Alone 2:

DONALD TRUMP: Down the hall and to the left.

Mr. Trump, if you were ever, hypothetically, elected as President of the United States (Yes, I know. It’s a very funny thought!) would you consider defunding a program designed to detect a virus outbreak overseas for no real reason other than to save a paltry amount of governmental money? Governmental money previously used to pay for such expenditures as a $17,000 a month cottage for you at your own national golf club in Bedminster.

Okay, but what if you were elected President, again totally hypothetical, and the Secretary of Health and Human Services expressed concerns about a super virus that had hit a major country (maybe somewhere like China) that they feared could potentially spread to the United States. Do you think you would take this warning seriously, or would you ignore that person entirely and go golfing instead?

Cool. So let’s say this super virus somehow made its way to the United States, and you were aware that someone here had it. Do you think you say something publicly about the situation the next day like, “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China, and we have it under control. It’s going to be just fine,” when you knew the exact opposite to be true?

I know! Pretty specific questions. I’m just a kid with a vivid imagination. Alright, so you’re still the President and your senior medical adviser at the Department of Veterans Affairs, let’s call him “Dr. Carter Mecher,” and he writes an email to a group of public health experts that says, “Any way you cut it, this is going to be bad” in reference to the virus. Do you think you would decide to hold a campaign rally in New Jersey the very next day wherein large groups of people would crowd together in one big petri dish of a gathering because you encouraged them to? Or would you consider doing, literally, anything else?

Follow up! If the virus to continued to spread, would you take to social media (it’s a thing in the future, and you’re going to love it!), and suggest that warmer weather would make the virus weaker, without any evidence whatsoever to back this up?

For fun, let’s say a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee Chairman said that this virus was “much more aggressive in its transmission than anything that we have seen in recent history” and was “probably more akin to the 1918 [influenza] pandemics.” Would you then claim in the days that followed that the virus outbreak was not nearly as bad as health officials, Democrats, and the media proclaimed it to be?

Over or under, 52 days after the first confirmed case of the virus in the United States before you would decide to declare a national emergency?

Continuing that thread, if you had declared this an emergency and most states across the country had issued a stay at home order, would you then immediately say something wild and completely unfounded like that you hoped to have the country “raring to go by Easter?”

Last question and perhaps the most important: If, God forbid, the virus had spread widely throughout the country, resulting in the loss of thousands of lives, forcing businesses to close, and effectively bringing the economy to a crippling halt, do you think you would hold a press conference wherein you discussed the possibility of using “a very powerful light” on or inside the body as a possible treatment for the virus, and then ask whether disinfectant could be injected into the body?