Now the serpent was more cunning than any other beast which the Lord God had made. And he said unto Eve, “Tell me, is it true that God hath forbidden ye to eat of the trees in Eden?”
And Eve said unto to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees, but not of the tree in the middle of the garden. For God hath said, ‘Ye shall not eat of that tree, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.’”
And the serpent said unto Eve, “Ah, but ye shall not die. God doth know that the moment ye eat of that tree, your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as God, knowing good and evil.”
Eve nodded. And the serpent did flicker his tongue in much delight. Now that Eve realized the forbidden fruit was edible and desirable and would bestow upon her great wisdom, the serpent was sure she would partake of it at last.
But Eve still had a few questions.
“What dost thou call the fruit on that tree?” Eve said unto the serpent.
And the serpent replied, “They are the fruit called apples.”
“And what variety of apples doth the tree grow?”
And the serpent, puzzled, said unto Eve, “They are God’s apples.”
“But are they McIntosh, Gala, Fuji?” Eve persisted. “Are they heirlooms?”
And the serpent, coiling himself in frustration, confessed that he did not possess such knowledge. But he said unto Eve, “They are the most delicious of all the fruits in the garden. Delicious red apples.”
“Red Delicious apples?” Eve said.
“Uh, yes,” the serpent answered.
“And they are organic, I presume?”
“Oh, yes,” the serpent said, though he did not fully understand Eve’s meaning. “Very organic.”
And Eve, sensing his uncertainty, asked more precisely, “Hath anyone used pesticides on this tree?”
And the serpent said unto Eve, “Nothing but the purest rain and light of God hath touched these fruit.”
“Exactly how far away is this tree?” Eve said. “Adam and I try to eat super local.”
“We can both see the tree from which the apples grow,” the serpent replied, narrowing his eyes into mere slivers. “It is not fifty paces from us.”
“But who is responsible for the care of this tree? Have they treated their laborers fairly?”
“The tree grew here of its own accord, without help, in the manner of all the plants the Lord God hath made.”
“And who shall pick the fruit?” Eve said.
“Ye shall gather it yourself.”
“Tell me, though, is it really the right time of year to eat apples? For I have read it is best to enjoy fruit at the peak of their season.”
Though the serpent was filled with cleverness, and so often so quick to speak, his tongue lay still for a few moments. “It is always the right season for every food in Eden,” he finally answered.
Eve nodded politely, yet she was unconvinced. “Your offer is most tempting,” she said unto the serpent as she started to leave, “but I am going to stick with my usual lunch.”
“And what is that?” the serpent asked.
“Kale salad.”