Dear Teachers,

As we continue to grapple with unavoidable disruptions caused by the pandemic, it’s important that we remain prepared and flexible for any and all circumstances. Please read the following scenarios and be ready to discuss them at this afternoon’s faculty meeting:

Scenario 1

There are ten students at home (Zoomies) and ten students in person (Roomies). You have been drinking steadily since 2020 and can’t stop crying. You’re also in-person, double-masked, and weigh fifteen pounds more than you did when this all started.

  • Describe the tech you’ll utilize to ensure all students are engaged learners.
  • What are some ways you can form a connection between Roomies and Zoomies so that all students feel heard?
  • How can you ensure that all students are following the lesson you were asked to cobble together last night using old Kleenex and tears of years gone by?

Scenario 2

There are ten students at home (Zoomies) and ten students in person (Roomies). You have contracted COVID/a never-ending depression, and you must work from home in pajama pants and your least-dirty blouse. You may or may not have remembered to brush your teeth and put on a bra.

  • Describe the tech you’ll utilize to ensure all students are engaged learners, and detail how you can keep your cats/kids/partner from interrupting your “lesson.”
  • What are some ways you can form a connection between Roomies and Zoomies so that all students feel heard when you yourself are teetering on the precipice of oblivion?
  • How can you ensure that students are following the lesson you have thrown by the wayside in favor of old Arthur reruns and episodes of Ted Lasso because we all just deserve to feel a little comfort right now, okay?

Scenario 3

There are ten students in person with you (Hostages) and ten students being dragged behind you in a rickety wagon (Captives). You are teaching from a runaway train traveling 110 miles an hour toward the edge of a cliff.

  • Describe the tech you’ll utilize to ensure all students are engaged learners. Pay special attention to how you’ll mitigate the disruption caused by student screams.
  • What are some ways you can form a connection between Hostages and Captives so that all students feel heard? Also, consider how anyone can be heard over the sound of the train engine and, again, all the screaming.
  • How can you ensure that students are following the lesson when none of you are actually going to survive what’s coming?

Scenario 4

There are ten students who are disembodied spirits (Ghosts) and ten students who are no longer capable of speaking due to pandemic-related trauma (Mutes). Additionally, you must appease a cadre of Gorgons calling for your blood. You are teaching from an alternate plane of existence in which you must communicate via glowing screens, telepathic whispers, and the nostalgia of knowing that once upon a time, you thought this would all be over by now.

  • Describe the tech you’ll utilize to transcend your current reality and enter another reality that is soft and quiet and filled with gentle caresses.
  • How can you facilitate a meaningful séance/animal sacrifice/collective howl into the void between Ghosts and Mutes that will please the Gorgons and not result in bloodletting?
  • How can you ensure that all students are following the lesson the Gorgons demanded you teach when everything is meaningless right now except the falling of fresh snow and the coo of a baby and the tired sigh of your last living grandparent and the beating of your own heart?

Looking forward to hearing how you thought through these likely scenarios at the faculty meeting today.

We’re all in this together,
The Gorgons