“White House press secretary Jen Psaki on Thursday defended President Biden calling the decision of two GOP governors to lift mask mandates as ‘Neanderthal thinking’ after some conservatives took offense to the criticism.” – The Hill, 3/4/21
Look, this is nothing new. We’re used to it. There’s a long history here. We let you modern Homo sapiens romanticize our culture for your kids’ entertainment (Croods), appropriate our hard-earned achievements (controlling FIRE!), and relegate us to history as uncivilized brutes who lack intelligence and language (take a bow, H.G. Wells). But comparing us to someone like Texas Governor Greg Abbott is a step too far, Mr. President. You just crossed the line we drew in the sand, or more accurately, etched into the ice with our hand-crafted tools.
To describe the lifting of mask mandates as “Neanderthal thinking” is misleading and, quite frankly, insulting. It’s true that we didn’t have modern-day essentials like vegetable spiralizers and Pelotons, but we were never willfully ignorant. Is this a good time to mention the wind turbines?
See, contrary to popular belief, stupidity didn’t kill us. We probably died from a lack of immunity to new diseases, or as a result of climate change. Now, are we still the morons in this scenario? Because if you people are so intellectually superior, in the 40,000 intervening years, why haven’t you learned anything, like, gee, I don’t know, how not to flirt with extinction?
You should have known better, Mr. President. If you did your research into Neanderthal culture, you’d realize we never advocated for the removal of protective coverings. Are you kidding? Fur pelts saved us from literally freezing our balls off. And everything was definitely not “fine.” We died before the age of thirty, endured physical hardship and the pissing rain, frequently got mauled by vengeful hyenas, and had a limited choice of loungewear. So, please, if you insist on using us as comparisons, then at least provide some context.
Yes, it’s true our homes were primitive. But what we lacked in kitchen islands and feature walls, we made up for in social progress. Our remains attest to the fact we looked after our elders and the sick. Modern humans debate whether we had our own language. Of course we did! How else do you think we warned each other not to eat that poisonous twig?
But you know what we didn’t have a term for? Pre-existing conditions. Had Greg Abbott lived among us, he’d be pushing the most vulnerable out the cave door and leaving them to the mercy of the wolves, shouting, “We’re 100% back in business!”
And if we lived among you — God forbid — do you know what we’d be doing? This radical thing called “listening.” Scientists have only recently discovered that we had this innate capacity. You people do too, apparently, although if Greg Abbott is anything to go by, then there is very little evidence to support this theory.
So, in the future, Mr. President, please refrain from this casual use of false equivalencies. Leave that to the GOP.