I’ve Never Tried Your Idea, and Now Everything Is on Fire, and That’s How I Know Your Idea Is Bad

“This shows how the Green New Deal would be a deadly deal for the United States of America.” — Texas Governor Greg Abbott on the massive cold-weather power outages in his state, which relies almost entirely on non-green energy.

You keep saying I should try your idea, and that it will make things better. You explain your idea really well and reasonably, and you have a lot of evidence to back it up. Well, guess what? I’ve never tried your idea, and now everything is on fire, and that’s how I know your idea is actually bad.

I pride myself on never listening to you and your ideas. In fact, that’s kind of my whole thing: refusing to ever try a single thing you suggest. And now look: things are completely falling apart and the sky is crashing down and the world is closing in around us. And that’s proof that your ideas are terrible.

You might think that all this does is prove that my ideas are bad, and that I should finally try one of your ideas for once. But that makes no sense — look around you! Things are awful! They’ve never been worse! So I think the best course of action is to keep doing what we’ve always done. Because that’s how we make change: by never changing.

Actually, I’ve gotten plenty of great feedback about how bad things are right now. So many of my friends are telling me it’s not my fault. They’re saying that everything that led to this catastrophe was worth it, and this is just a warning sign that we should never try doing anything different.

I get it — a lot of people seem to like your idea. Like, a lot of people. It’s really popular! To that, I say: if a lot of people liked jumping off a bridge, would that make it a good thing to do? We’ll never know because, under my watch, that bridge has frozen and collapsed.

Sure, you can hold out hope that one day I’ll try your idea, but that’s never going to happen. If you want someone to try your idea here, you’re going to have to find someone else to do it. Because let’s face it: things are an absolute shitshow right now, and it’s all because of your idea that I’ve never, ever tried.