Took a break
Tried finding myself
Incarceration
Amnesia
Abduction
Lived off the grid
Invented a more powerful, iron-grip grid
Honed my mucho macho-ness
Joined a cult
Learned how to tie all the knots
Forgot how to open a Word doc
Watched birds, whether they liked it or not
Became the cult leader’s personal assistant
Lost myself in a daydream of being non-unionized
Wrote a book on being a profitable man’s man for men
Tripped and stayed on the floor for seven years
Worked so many billable hours that I realized the concept of time is a prison for feeble minds
Transferred to the kitchen at the cult because Glorious Leader said the gel pens I bought were “too scratchy”
Wordsmithed the most absolutely perfect email signature
Wandered the streets eight hours a day so I wouldn’t be considered a flake for doing domestic work around the house
Fought bees
Sewed three homemade face masks and refused to work until they all sold on Etsy
Wait, no, I mean… carved a figure of a jacked-up bald eagle and did pull-ups until it sold on eBay
Found a nice, floral IPA and really gave it a chance to breathe
After reflection and excessive corn husking—left a cult
Failed to create a start-up
Got buried alive and chose to savor the escape
Smuggled oil through the Strait of Hormuz
Labored to get the phrase “feckless deadbeat” out of my head
Cared for other people’s kids