“[Trans children] really show you how Satan’s plan is working.”
– Trump judicial nominee Jeff Mateer (now withdrawn)
“The well-ORGANIZED effort by Florida school students demanding gun control has GEORGE SOROS’ FINGERPRINTS all over it.”
– Sheriff David Clarke
1. Meg wants to go to a walkout against gun violence at her school but is afraid of being called a crisis actor. The thought of being seen as lying or manipulative is heart-wrenching.
2. Auntie Friendly (formerly the Thing Under the River) wants to disguise herself as a charming old widow so she can devour the marrow of the young. She’s worried she’ll be seen as lying or manipulative, when both of those things are extremely true. The thought of another mob of villagers chasing her back into the river is heart-wrenching.
3. Brian is bi and a member of the Genders & Sexualities Alliance in his high school. He doesn’t like when people tell him it’s “just a phase” because it took him a long time to be at peace with who he is.
4. Fribbity Gibbity doesn’t like when people say that he’s doomed to wander the wastes forever. All he has to do is find the lost sword of the Norse king he betrayed in life, and then he can be at peace! This is probably just a phase!
5. Bella wore a BLACK LIVES MATTER shirt to class. She hopes her more conservative teachers can see past stereotypes, instead of suspending her for a dress code violation, like they did when she wore her natural hair.
6. Boouladig the Frilled wore the bones of a cursed Sumerian king to the Fall of Man. It hopes that people can see past stereotypes of netherworld abominations, and realize what a caring, sensitive — oh god, it has my leg!
7. Sam feels trapped in the closet. Some of his teachers might be sympathetic, but his state passed a “Don’t Say Gay” law, so they can’t legally give him any advice.
8. Sasa Sasa Smooth, the One Who Whispers in the Walls, is trapped in a jug after the priests performed their binding ritual. Some of the junior apprentices might be sympathetic, but the priests forbid them to talk to him, for his tongue is smooth, and his words are wicked.
9. Jake was born with muscular dystrophy, and he’s lobbying the school board to make his school more accessible for wheelchair users.
10. Xortp was born as the Möbius strip of the universe first curled in on itself, creating a cavern of eternal winter where no stars warm the swirling black. It is currently lobbying God to make the mortal plane more accessible for shadow beings.
11. Teddy wants people to respect their choice of ‘they/them’ pronouns.
12. Glorg the Gobbler of Livers wants to only be called a word that will melt the minds of all who hear it, shatter the sun into shards of glass, and set time itself quivering in fear.
13. Sadie doesn’t always have the energy to put on a lot of make-up, and she doesn’t think it’s fair that people judge her just for her appearance. She wants to start a Feminist Club at her school.
14. Xeeexa poured itself into the hollow shell of an old man; it doesn’t have the energy to make its host look living. It doesn’t like being defined by this decaying flesh-cocoon, and may soon erupt into a seething, black cloud of chaos, roiling across the sky like the blood of some ancient slaughtered god.
15. Britney just started a club to raise money for the local cat shelter.
1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15: These are students who Republican state legislatures are terrified of (no affiliation with George Soros)
2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12: These are demons (also no affiliation with George Soros)
14: This is actually a Republican state senator