The 2044 Election Is the Most Important Election of Our Lifetimes

Hello,

It’s the Democrats. The 2044 election is fast approaching, and we need your support now more than ever. It is the most important election of our lifetimes.

We know it feels like we’re always saying that this presidential election is the most important election of our lifetimes. But we wouldn’t be saying that if it wasn’t true each and every time. Especially this time.

As you’ll recall, the 2024 election was the most important election of our lifetimes, just as the 2020 election had been the most important election of our lifetimes. It was only through tireless grassroots organizing that Joe Biden prevailed. The grave threat posed to our democracy by Donald Trump was (narrowly) defeated, and America was wrested from the jaws of authoritarianism.

At least, for four more years.

Nowadays, it seems quaint to wonder whether an octogenarian is fit for office like we did back then. At ninety-eight years old, Donald Trump is as spry as ever. His speeches are completely unintelligible now, but he can still yell at the top of his lungs. And for Republicans, that’s the only barometer of fitness for office. This is why he’s continued to be the Republican nominee for president in every election since 2016, even during his ten-year-long prison sentence in the ’30s.

That’s why the 2044 election is the most important election of our lifetimes. Because, for the seventh time, Democrats must defeat Donald Trump in order to save our nation.

Each of the seven times Trump has run for president, it’s been close. Who could forget the 2028 election coming down to three hundred votes in Wisconsin? Or the e-ballot controversy during the Brazilpox pandemic of 2032? Or the days leading up to the 2036 election, where it seemed all but certain Trump would prevail until Taylor Kelce dropped that surprise album, Democracy (Taylor’s Version)?

Democrats have managed to hold on to the presidency for a record twenty-four years, and it wouldn’t have been possible without the efforts of dedicated volunteers such as yourself. Only through your unwavering determination have Democrats managed to keep the country okay, but not great, but also not catastrophically bad either.

With Biden’s reelection, Democrats staved off totalitarian rule and kept the country on the path of being tacitly democratic, unequal, but only somewhat discriminatory. Which, you have to admit, is better than living in the totalitarian, extremely unequal, and rampantly discriminatory nation that Republicans want.

President Harris carried on Biden’s remarkable legacy of making modest social progress in some areas while losing ground in others. This was an impressive achievement compared to the complete erosion of the social safety net and civil rights that would have happened had Trump been elected.

And, in the 2030s, President Newsom did an admirable job of keeping the country only slightly worse off than it was before. No president in the modern era has been more effective at ensuring America’s decline remained gradual rather than completely and utterly apocalyptic.

Now, after a nail-biter in 2040, President Buttigieg faces a tough reelection bid.

Yes, there are glimmers of hope. The nation’s demographics are shifting. Conservative Sun Belt states are losing population now that the West and Deep South regularly see high temps in the 120s. A decisive separatist victory at the Battle of Miami saw an end to the Florida War of Independence, and the peace treaty signed between President Buttigieg and Emperor DeSantis means one less red state to worry about. Plus, Texas voted 48.3 percent Democrat in the last election, so 2044 could be when the state finally flips. That said, it will take every dollar, every phone call, and every vote to ensure President Buttigieg defeats Donald Trump. Otherwise, it’s lights out, America.

We know it’s exhausting for people like you to have to save the country over and over and over again every four years. We know you’re mentally wiped out from the constant looming threat of state-sponsored violence and dissolution of personal freedoms that would come with a second Trump presidency. We know you’d rather be watching season 56 of The Bachelor.

But we need you to give it your all and help us win this election, just like we needed you in 2040, and 2036, and 2032, and 2028, and 2024. We’re pretty sure this is the last time Trump will run, so this election looks to be the final “most important election of our lifetimes.” Once we beat him, we promise we’ll all be able to relax a bit and finally get off those SSRIs we’ve been taking since November 9, 2016.

Unless, of course, a younger, more charismatic strongman comes along. Then all bets are off.