Things the Doctor Really Said When Called About the Monkeys Jumping On the Bed

“How did you get this number?”

“I’m not in private practice anymore.”

“I think you need a veterinarian.”

“This isn’t the doctor. This is the doctor’s wife.”

“What kind of monkeys are we talking about here? You don’t mean human children, do you? Oh, thank god.”

“Didn’t you just call me?”