Make this fall the best semester ever with NEW student deals on iPad. Buy an iPad for college, and for an indefinite time, get $180,000 in student loan debt.1 2 3 Plus, add AirPods to your purchase for a free $150 gift card!
Arrive on campus ready to take on the world with a next-generation iPad and make $180,000 of debt that will last a lifetime. Customize your memory and storage, and even engrave emojis that express your eventual mental collapse under the expectations of your family and the weight of late-stage capitalism.
If you have rich parents, we haven’t forgotten you: this is a perfect opportunity to trade in your current device and get a new one.
Upgrade your iPad with accessories to work off what you owe. Apple Pencil empowers you to draw smut of popular literary and TV characters on commission. Discover your creativity with Apple Pencil before it’s too late and AI makes you obsolete.
Max out your credit with even more Apple Education offers in partnership with your university. Like student housing, which is up to an amazing $7,700 per semester.4 Or a sumptuous meal plan that comes with access to twenty-five on-campus dining options and a system we made up called “EduPoints” at a one-time monthly fee of $2,500.5 6
Enjoy an exclusive 20 percent off AppleCare+, which you’ll be glad you paid for when your roommate barfs into your backpack instead of the trash can at three forty-five in the morning.
iPad is made for learning. Blind students in the rows behind you with a quantum-AMOLED screen, and exhibit your true slay with six gorgeous colors. It’s the perfect tool for note-taking,7 sharing files,8 and chatting with friends.9
iPad’s new titanium exterior is built to last through college and beyond.10 Stay ready for anything: you’ll need a graduate degree, medical school, and maybe even a PhD to secure a job in today’s economy.
Back-to-school deals come around once a year, but the chance to watch your university’s over-armed security assault student protesters is once-in-a-lifetime.
And now, you can record it—with iPad!
1 Interest not included. Calculated based on the estimated cost of tuition for four years, not including summer semesters you might have to take if a class isn’t offered, due to an interdepartmental error.
2 Lifetime interest of loan calculated based on current estimates: $440,000.
3 Apple Education pricing is only available to students, recently admitted students, teachers, and the parents who are still supporting all of them.
4 You will not be able to choose your housing. Want to select your roommate in advance? You must both submit forms to your university in February (before admission). Your school reserves the right to reject roommate pairings based on star sign compatibility.
5 Monthly plan covers 1,432 EduPoints. Would it have been easier to make EduPoints equivalent to dollars? Sure. But honestly, you had to get at least a 700 on the Math SAT anyway, so… figure it out. EduPoints roll over from spring semester to summer term, and from summer term to fall semester, but not from fall semester to spring semester.
6 Winter trimester does not utilize EduPoints.
7 Watching Fortnite streams on Twitch during a 250-person lecture.
8 Important Google Sheet about Rush that Safiya got from a sophomore, but do NOT share it with anyone else—we already have way too many people on there.
9 Group chats about the TA who works out. Is he mewing right now? No, guys, don’t ALL look.
10 Based on the last four years, the chance you’ll actually have a commencement ceremony is 50 percent. Congratulations, future graduate!