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Articles by
Eli Grober
Eli is the author of the satirical essay collection This Won’t Help, listed on the New Yorker’s “Best Books We Read This Week.” He writes the humor newsletter Here’s Something.
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January 6, 2025This Threat to Democracy Must Be Certified
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December 12, 2024Here at Time Magazine, We’ve Decided This Is Another One of Those Years We Pick a Person Who Fucking Sucks
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November 14, 2024I’m Putting Together a Team. The Worst Fucking Team of All Time
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November 8, 2024Finally, the Elites Have Been Defeated by the Billionaires
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May 31, 2024HELP PROVE I DID NOTHING WRONG BY SENDING ME MONEY IMMEDIATELY
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March 29, 2024Hi, I’m Jesus, and When I Get Back, I Want All the Eggs Hidden
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December 6, 2023Answering Questions at the Climate Summit After My Speech in Support of Oil World
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October 24, 2023We Must Give Equal Airtime to the Democratic Incumbent and the Guy Who Wants Everyone to Drink Their Own Piss
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September 7, 2023For Just Forty Hours a Week of Intense Work Outside Your Full-Time Job, You Too Can Make Passive Income
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June 9, 2023HELP PROVE I’M INNOCENT BY SENDING ME MONEY IMMEDIATELY
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April 3, 2023Oh, Great, Now Every Politician Has to Be Super Careful Not to Commit Crimes
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March 1, 2023How Can We Afford to Bail Out Student Loan Borrowers When We Can Barely Afford to Bail Out the Entire Airline Industry, Citigroup, Bank of America, AIG, Bear Stearns, Chrysler, and Then the Entire Airline Industry Again?
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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January 17, 2025Who Said It: Donald Trump or Martin Luther King Jr.?
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January 8, 2025Did You Even Consider Every Possible Lived Experience Before Recklessly Posting Your Chili Recipe on Social Media?
Recently
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January 27, 2025Executive Order: We Must Stop Everyone from Transitioning, So the President Knows Who to Grope
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January 27, 2025Watch as I Destroy Your Society, Gradually, Over the Course of One Hundred to Two Hundred Years
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January 27, 2025A Chinese Spy’s Surveillance Report on American TikTok Users
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January 24, 2025Our Customers Demand Terrible AI Systems