1. Open the event with some pleasantries, perhaps a quick lighting of the holiday candles. Feel free to say a few blessings. A quick note: This will be the only time you should NOT bring up 1999’s soup-to-nuts, flawless film Blue Streak, starring Martin Lawrence at the absolute pinnacle of his movie stardom.

2. Despite the joyous get-together, it’s now time for one of your relatives to discuss the most morbid event of the past year. Stay poised as it is nearly the moment to lament how so few films nowadays can duplicate Blue Streak’s brisk but enjoyable ninety-three-minute run time.

3. Just as Uncle Kenny says, “Speaking of anniversaries,” you interrupt, marveling at how it’s been twenty-five years since you first saw a certain two-hander starring Martin Lawrence and Luke Wilson at the White Flint Mall Cineplex in Bethesda, Maryland.

4. You ignore the perplexed faces around the table and raise the fascinating parallels between the rich, text-based tradition of the Midrash and the whip-smart script from screenwriters Michael Berry and John Blumenthal with a canny rewrite from industry touch-up extraordinaire Stephen Carpenter.

5. You fish out your phone and show everyone a Cameo from Blue Streak’s sixth lead, William Forsythe, wishing the entire Lieberman clan be inscribed in the Book of Life for a “sweet new 5785.”

6. Oh no. Instead of this light discussion of late ’90s nostalgia, you’ve gone and asked the group whether or not Blue Streak counts as copaganda despite its popcorn flick surface. Your dad then asks, “What’s copa-ca-ganda?” and we’re off on this tangent for the entirety of the salad course. On the bright side, at least we’re not talking about the other thing.

7. Phew. Cousin Melissa has interjected that the film still kind of holds up despite transphobe Dave Chappelle’s turn as Tully, a petty thief, and Martin Lawrence’s quirky ex-partner. Your family nods in what is hopefully table-wide liberal condemnation.

8. You wonder aloud about the elephant in the room: Is it at all strange that Martin Lawrence’s character in the film, Miles Logan, shares his initials?

9. The room grows quiet as your mother-in-law serves the delicious brisket, diverting your attention long enough for Uncle Kenny to slip in a perfectly timed “They tried to kill us, let’s eat” joke. The ominous silence is thankfully broken when a second Blue Streak–related Cameo—character actor Bruce McGill, for the win!—begins to play from Cousin Melissa’s LG Smart Refrigerator.

10. Aunt Ronna calls Blue Streak nothing more than the derivative lovechild of 48 Hours and Lethal Weapon. You grow querulous at this rebuke, icily dipping an apple slice into some local honey to mitigate your intense, autumnal allergies.

11. Cousin Melissa’s husband Geoff says he never saw Blue Streak and says the Chappelle “stuff” feels a bit blown out of proportion.

12. It seems that no one appreciates the $935 you’ve spent on Cameos.

13. You spin “Criminal Mind” by Tyrese from the refrigerator—the sound is impeccable. You explain to Aunt Ronna how this undisputed banger comes from the soundtrack of the film she has spent basically all night denigrating.

14. Cousin Melissa and her husband Geoff are leaving despite this being their house.

15. You throw Aunt Ronna an olive branch, lamenting how the Blue Streak Blu-ray extras are kind of weak sauce.

16. L’shana tova! Your beautiful Jewish family has learned an important lesson: Never discuss the 1999 motion picture Blue Streak ever again.