Hey buddy, great comment, real insightful. I’m sure you put a ton of effort into formulating a thoughtful, well-crafted response. The way you offered a level-headed analysis in a non-condescending tone. Your direct yet inoffensive language. I bet you’re really fun at parties.

I see you cited a bunch of facts and provided links to your sources, all of which appear to be reputable peer-reviewed journals. You structured your argument in a logical and coherent manner and used indented bullet points to make it easy to read. I bet when you play charades you really commit.

I can’t help but notice you followed up your comment with responses to the people who offered a rebuttal. You noted that someone made a few good points and said you would read up on the articles she referenced, saying she had an interesting point of view you had not previously considered. I can imagine you at surprise birthday gatherings, getting there really early so there’s no chance you’d run into the birthday boy or girl outside their door and ruin their special day. And when they finally come home I’m sure you enthusiastically yell “surprise!” and laugh with delight then hand over a thoughtful gift. Something engraved with their initials, or good quality headphones.

I bet your karaoke song is “Spirit in the Sky” and you don’t even need to look at the screen.

I see from your profile you are a human rights lawyer and on the board of directors for Rescue Rabbits. I imagine people clamor to sit beside you at community banquets where food is served family style, and you offer to hold the bowls while your neighbors scoop.

Let me guess: You’re a reliable contributor to office pot luck lunches. I bet people see you in the kitchenette and they’re like, “What did you bring? I can’t wait to try it!” because they know you followed the recipe and your dish is perfectly salted. Plus, they are confident you didn’t take any chances with the meat or dairy or whatnot, ensuring it was refrigerated and cooked according to prudent safety standards.

A quick google search tells me that you lead an award-winning improv troupe that performs pro bono at youth hospitals. I’m guessing you’re one of the very first people your friends think of when they’re making a list of fascinating guests to attend intimate soirees on their apartment rooftops, lit by paper lanterns and festooned with canoes full of ice cubes and magnums of Cava.

I bet if I invited you to my birthday party next weekend you’d show up with your engaging and stylish partner and all my friends and my girlfriend’s parents would say to me “Wow, you have elegant, worldly friends, maybe you ARE good enough for Kendra.” Pretty sure we’d have a great time doing karaoke and eventually everyone would leave except the four of us, me, you, Kendra and your partner, and we’d head to an after-hours ramen place that you told us about and then we’d sip sake on the seawall until the sun came up, and we’d make plans to hang out the following weekend at your loft.

Anyway, you should come. It’ll be fun.