I’m surprised, and, quite frankly, a little disturbed by what I’m seeing on the news right now, you guys. That new sickness sweeping the globe really looks like a legitimate, old-fashioned, biblical plague upending our already distorted shell of reality. It’s some real Judeo-Christian stuff coming our way, and yet the Dread Lord Nyarlathotep — the guy we voted into office for their Washington outsider status and arcane knowledge of the unknowable — just seems… I dunno, off. He’s somehow really out of His depth here.
I don’t honestly know why Nyarlathotep has been unable to harness this monotheistic plague’s fury for His own gain yet. Past crises of His own infernal engineering have been a piece of cake for him, but He just clams up as soon as the first incomprehensible tragedy outside the realm of His dominion arrived. Did you see last week’s press conference when He turned to one of His last remaining human advisors behind Him and asked, “Well, what do you think we should do to help your fetid species?” Sure, that guy’s head immediately imploded upon receiving such a direct blast of psionic energy, but it was Nyarlathotep’s tacit admittance He didn’t know the right course of action that really surprised me.
The Black Pharaoh always projected such a non-anthropomorphic disgust with the whole of humanity, but it’s as though his void-heart isn’t even into this Reign of 1000 Eons of Insanity He specifically campaigned for anymore. For years — really, since the Beginning of Time, I suppose — we were warned we weren’t ready for the Abrahamic God’s wrath to spread across these once fertile lands. Heck, we were promised it for so long that people like me got real tired of the empty vows, which is why we opted to give a cosmic entity of infinite degradation a chance in the Oval Office. This is an elected official who ran on a platform of new mind-flaying strategies and soul-starving woe, and now He can’t seem to coordinate a proper governmental response to one old fashioned Horseman of the Apocalypse? I gotta say, I’m a little disappointed in the God of a Thousand Forms.
Also, did you hear that there actually was a Horsemen Preparedness Team already organized by the last guy running the show, but the Crawling Chaos turned them into a vaporous mist of sewage as soon as He was sworn into office? Man, that’s some real egg on His face, right? Yeah, I know He sometimes goes by the “Faceless God.” He took away your senses of hope, joy, and wonder, but last I checked He at least left us with a sense of irony. Geez.
Anyways, I can tell by your grimace that it’s not just the constant, searing spiritual pain that’s bothering you right now. You’re still mad at me for voting Him into limitless power. Look, I said I regret it now, alright? You and I both know this society needed a real shake-up of leadership. You opted to phonebank for the guy promoting free medical access for just these kinds of infectious horror shows; I decided to sign Nyarlathotep’s Blood Oath of Agonizing, Lusting Shame. To each their own, aside from those unlucky reporters fused together upon hearing the Black Pharoah’s gnashing laughter at last week’s press conference.
Hey, you gotta admit, “I don’t take responsibility at all,” is a pretty on-brand response for an Outer God, though.