When I heard our town was considering legalizing (gulp) duplex apartments to allow more housing, I was devastated. I’m not against people having homes, but building more housing here would ruin the beautiful character of this neighborhood, which is mostly systematic racism, but it’s also not admitting it’s systematic racism.

Allowing more housing would radically disrupt what this town is, a quaint little neighborhood of half a million people located in one of the most desirable locations in the country. It’s a perfect place. I haven’t changed since 1974, so why should my neighborhood?

This neighborhood was built on certain principles, and it’s extremely important to maintain those principles and also not say them out loud where they could be used in court.

I’ve lived on this same street for thirty-six years, so I think I have a good view of the world. There is nothing wrong with drawing a big red line in the sand or on the nicer side of the highway.

We have all the good folks we need in this neighborhood. It’s not wrong to want a certain “type” of person who has a set of “morals” and is a “contributing” resident, and it’s not like it’s illegal to say these things (I consulted my attorney).

Why do people have to be so pushy about changing my way of life? Can’t these people go somewhere else and stop getting angry when I call them “these people?”

If certain types of characters really want to change things, they should do it the right way. Show up to a Community Board Meeting on the third Tuesday of semi-alternating months at 3:16 PM EST (Estonian Standard Time) and simply wait four and a half hours to make a two-minute statement. It’s that easy. I’ve been doing it for three decades, and I think things are going great.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And if it is broke, send it over to one of those junkyards in the run-down town next to ours. There are plenty of people there who should be grateful to have it.

And why are those people just starting to complain? When this neighborhood was incorporated in 1947, I’m certain every person had a chance to vote on these rules. I can’t think of a single thing that would have stopped someone from casting a vote.

You have all sorts of people—who are mostly just one kind of person—trying to make this about race, and I think that’s awful. Calling someone a racist is the worst thing you can say about someone.

But I don’t even think we should mention race, and frankly, neither does our Homeowners Association’s attorney.

This is really about preservation, about a way of life, about heritage, about an unchanging space to combat your constant fear that change means death and death means being forgotten in the eyes of your family. Especially your daughter Meredith who moved to Baltimore and refuses to let you see your grandkids.

When is this onslaught going to end? If you allow a duplex to be built, then what? A stoplight on the intersection of Second and Oak? Kick me in the shins and light me on fire.

If we don’t stop this, I’ll be forced to sell my home for twenty times what I purchased it for and move to a beautiful coastal city in a gorgeous condo with a fat retirement fund. I’d rather end it now.