[Doritos Locos Tacos]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

Taco Bell on the inside and Doritos on the outside! There’s no turning back now, America!

[Olive Garden’s Unlimited Salad and Breadsticks and Whoppers]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

The King of Burgers meets the Prime Minister of Sides for this Bunga Bunga party in your belly! Now with Real Salad!

[Denny’s Moons Over My Hormel Hammy]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

This American favorite features delicious ham, scrumptious eggs and two different types of cheeses on grilled sourdough bread. Served on top of an uncooked Hormel ham!

[Starbucks Caffé Mocha Grobachino]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

The original chocolate Frappuccino is back, now with an infusion of unsold ground-up Josh Groban CDs!

[Panera Bread’s Three-Cheese Cinnabon]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

Take the artisanal goodness of Panera’s Romano, Asagio, and Parmesan bread and trick that shit out with a big load of frosting from Cinnabon.

[Pepsi with Coke]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

It’s pretty much just Pepsi with Coke in it.

[Cold Stone Creamery’s Birthday Cake Doritos Locos Tacos Remix]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

How could we possibly improve upon our decedent Cake Batter Ice Cream, oozing with brownies and fudge? What if we just mashed in a few Doritos Locos Tacos? Sorry. We’re running out of ideas.

[Panda Express’ Beijing Beef-Za]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

Panda’s Executive Chef, Andy Kao, took this Sichuan-style classic and plopped it on a Sbarro’s pizza.

[Chick-fil-A’s Magnificant Spicy Jamba Chicken Sandwich and Mango Smoothie]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

We start with our classic spicy chicken sandwich, pressure cook it in 100% refined peanut oil, and jazz it up with a dill pickle and Pepper Jack Cheese. Then we throw the whole fucking thing into a blender with, I dunno, a mango, some wheat grass and what the hell – five Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups.

[KFC’s Famous Jelly Belly Bowl]
Submitted by [Miles Kahn]

I seriously don’t know what else we can do anymore. I mean, it’s gotten to the point where you fatties are now eating this shit ironically. Well guess what, plump-ster? Your Urban Outfitters T-shirt doesn’t fit anymore and everyone can see you unbuckling your pants when you sit down. Look at yourself in the mirror—take a really hard look. No one wants to fuck you anymore. So we might as well add some Jelly Belly brand jelly beans to these things and call it day. You disgust me. In white or dark meat!