Things I’m “All About” Now That I’ve Turned 47

That bursitis.

That orthopedic insert.

That cabernet.

That lox.

That tax exemption.

That minivan.

That pesky twenty pounds.

That annual pilgrimage to a Disney theme park.

That college fund.

That CBS lineup.

That commuter train schedule.

That new redheaded Executive Assistant.

That colonial on one-and-a-half acres in Westchester or North Jersey or Long Island.

That cholesterol.

That Just For Men.

That goddamn promotion already.

That Propecia.

That vintage vinyl that the wife just doesn’t fucking understand.

That bouncy house rental for the kid’s birthday party.

That treble.