The Full-Frontal Pom-Pom
Fun, playful, and an excellent reminder that it’s already time to schedule your annual mammogram. One size fits A to double D. Any pinching is fleeting.
The Gastric-Glow Three Pack
These brightly colored fuzzy socks draw inspiration from the contents of at least one entire cabinet in your kitchen.
The Instant Facelift Slouch Sock
No matter how many times you pull them up, the cruel mistress of Time will slip them right back down.
Fishnet Compression Stockings
These sexy thigh highs will turn heads and reduce ankle swelling. Non-slip soles ensure safety in any sexual position. You know, just on the off chance.
The Sheer Density Knee Sock
Old school “knee highs” with an updated print let the world know that you not only eat those chocolate-flavored calcium chews but also get in your weight-bearing exercise by doing squats while holding eighteen-ounce cans of San Marzano tomatoes.
The Plantar Fasciitis Ruffle Sock
Funky yet elegant, these adorable ruffle socks will remind you of the days when you could pirouette, while also reminding you that you definitely shouldn’t attempt it now—even if you think you can after your second glass of pinot noir and half a THC gummy.
The Grey Gardens Sock
Available in a wide range of two-tone colorways, this super-soft crew is letting its gray grow out. Gift these to yourself if, much like Little Edie, you have decided you no longer need to be bound by societal expectations.
Hormone Replacement Therapy Sock
Hip and practical, these moisture-wicking socks are best paired with comfortable shoes, a hand fan, and incredible confidence.
The Perfect Peep Toe
Keep the rest of your feet warm while giving your toenails space to recover from the unfortunate fungus you picked up at a back alley nail salon in your twenties. Perfect for lounging by the fireplace with a good book and the second half of that gummy.
The Full-Body Tube Sock
This body sock takes the classic tube sock to a new level of fashion and comfort. One hundred percent cotton ensures breathability. Crawl inside when you need to escape the world’s judgment or if you get an invite to the Met Gala.