Dear [CHILD NAME],
I’m sorry. I really am. I have a job. And I raise you. And neither of those two things is as time-consuming or difficult as creating space on my iPhone.
I have iCloud Sync, but somehow, that’s designed so that if I delete a photo or video from my phone, it deletes from the cloud. It’s less of a digital storage solution and more of a digital data prison.
I have Google Photos, but my Google Drive is out of stock. I don’t know why. And I can’t bear to figure it out. (I deleted a ton of old emails last year. It took forever to do and accomplished nothing.)
I have Dropbox. I think that’s just file storage. I don’t think I can sync my photos and videos automatically. My god, I can’t try to figure that out right now.
This is what I’m up against.
I have tried. I have. I pay every single month of my adult life for the privilege of having iCloud, Google Drive, and Dropbox storage that I can’t use to make my phone a device that can take a single photo or video of your [MONUMENTAL LIFE STAGE OR ACHIEVEMENT GONE FOREVER TO THE WHIMS OF MEMORY].
By the way, is “digital storage” the “climate change” of the future? Is it the existential problem that feels too big to handle, so it becomes a public crisis that drags on slowly and then quickly, and then it envelops you?
No? It’s still climate change? For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about that too.
I will keep trying. I will sync. I will cloud. I will keep the app open because, apparently, I have a lot of photos to back up, and the backup will pause when the app is closed. This is extortion. I love you.
With—I want to say humiliation, but I’m honestly too depressed about what a slog this basic have-a-phone-that-can-easily-use-all-the-unused-digital-storage-that-I-pay-for thing is that I’m too tired and annoyed to feel shame, so let’s just say instead…
With complete and utter resignation,
[THE TITLE YOU USE TO REFER TO YOURSELF AS A PARENT THAT YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY NOT EARNING RIGHT NOW]