“I’m Dreaming of a Light Sickness”

“All I Want for Christmas Is You… to Acknowledge Receipt of the Referral I’ve Sent in Fourteen Damn Times Now”

“I Saw Mommy Charged Five Grand for Gauze”

“Halve Your Wealth to Repair Your Meniscus”

“God Rest Ye Weary New Mother (For Twenty-Four Hours, Then Please Vacate the Maternity Ward)”

“Grandma Got Screwed Over on Her Claim, Dear”

“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Open Enrollment Runs From November 4 to 6)”

“Here We Come, a-Copaying”

“All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth to Be Covered by Regular Health Insurance and Not Considered Special Entities Only Covered by Separate Insurance; They’re Part of My Body, WTF”

“Mary, Did You Know? Your Baby Boy’s a Pre-Existing Condition”

“Have a Blue Christmas (Brought to You by Your Health Partners at Blue Cross Blue Shield)”

“I Want a HIPAA Law to Fix This Business”